i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
