I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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