Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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