He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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