I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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