I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
pop tarts are not kleenex
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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