have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
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