Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
