whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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