Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
