Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
