I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
