It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
its liver damage thursday
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
