ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
