I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize