Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
