We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize