Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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