Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Randomize
