Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize