also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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