Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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