I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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