This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
