Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
