rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
