oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
