Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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