apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
