There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You're a waste of cheezeits
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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