he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
