Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
