just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
