i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
