Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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