Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
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