Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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