I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
