I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
