I didn't shave. On purpose
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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