Me. At least after what I've been through.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
