Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
