Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
