I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My ass is underappreciated
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
