If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
