Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
even my farts smell like vagina
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
