so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
