Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
