I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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