you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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