So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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