His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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