i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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