Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
