saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
