Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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