Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I want to have your abortion
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Still dying that you shit outside
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
