I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
