i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
