3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
