Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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