Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
