Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
