I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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