You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
