that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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