How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
