her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
