from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
3 2 1 whiskey
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
