Porn is love you can see.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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