Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Randomize
