I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
