I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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