I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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