You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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