My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he was CRYING into my vagina
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
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