he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
