the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
