i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
