One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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