I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
This is my gift to your gina
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
