Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
