The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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