someone threw a dead crab at me
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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