shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
