Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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