he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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